Teaching Consent and Bodily Autonomy to Our Children During the Holidays

Author: Kristin Fairholm

With the holidays approaching, it’s easy to get swept up in traditions, family gatherings, and the excitement of the season. But as parents and educators, it’s important to remember that the values we instill throughout the year—especially around consent and bodily autonomy—are especially relevant now. Teaching children about consent isn’t just about one talk; it’s an ongoing process that can start young and be reinforced in small ways every day. 

We often teach our children the basics of sharing and respect by encouraging them to ask before taking a toy or waiting their turn. This is, at its core, also teaching consent. When we encourage kids to ask rather than grab, we’re helping them understand the importance of permission—both giving it and seeking it. It’s a powerful lesson that’s foundational for their relationships with others and their understanding of boundaries.

As we teach children to respect others’ boundaries, we should also consider how adults interact with them. Children are often told to give a relative a hug or not to “be rude” by refusing one. While these instructions come from a well-meaning place, they can inadvertently send the message that children should comply with physical contact, even if they’re uncomfortable. When we allow children to decide for themselves, we’re reinforcing that their comfort and consent matter.

 To support their autonomy, practice consent in everyday moments. Ask before brushing their hair or offering to help them with a task related to their body. If they say “no,” respect it. They might need some guidance, but offering them choices (like brushing their hair themselves or with help) shows them that they have control over their own bodies. And when it comes to greetings, respect if they’d prefer to fist bump, wave, or smile instead of hugging a relative. Children feel empowered when they know their choices are respected, even in social settings. 

This awareness is especially important with strangers in costume—like Santa at the mall or an Easter Bunny. A well-meaning relative or friend might insist on a hug or a photo, but children should always have the option to say no. If we force them, they may internalize the message that they should always comply with adults, which can blur the boundaries we want to set around safety. 

Let’s work together to empower our children to politely assert their boundaries and to understand that saying “no” is always an option. Practicing consent helps them grow up confident, able to protect themselves, and resilient to peer pressure. A child who learns they have control over their body will carry this understanding into adolescence and adulthood, giving them a strong foundation for healthy relationships and self-protection. 

The holidays are a time to reinforce these lessons in simple ways. And as we prioritize consent, we help our children feel valued and secure, while keeping them polite and considerate. Teach them to ask for consent, to give it, and to respect when it’s not given. It’s a gift that will serve them for a lifetime.