Redefining The MeToo Movement To Address Child And Adolescent Sexual Violence
The Rise Of The MeToo K-12 Movement
By Kristin Fairholm, Executive Director
Let’s talk about sexual violence, shall we? The MeToo movement is a firestorm of advocacy and accusations over abuse we have all known has existed long before the birth of the internet. It is the latest talking point for broadcasters and social media influencers. A point of contention and confusion between men and women. Honestly, there is nothing new about any of it except our current willingness to finally admit it has gone on too long.
What started with a conversation for adults around the topic of sexual assault and harassment has transitioned to a more inclusive narrative for our young people. A dialogue is evolving that understands there is a spectrum at play - one that begins with subtle sexual jokes and ends with the normalization of sexual violence. And the fuzzy line of adult consent we all seem so baffled with did not magically draw itself at the age of eighteen. Rather our boundaries took shape in childhood and adolescence when we first began to navigate our cumbersome social and emotional development.
Understanding we must go back to childhood, the national nonprofit, Stop Sexual Assault in Schools, created the hashtag #MeTooK12 in an effort to promote awareness and inspire action to combat pervasive sexual harassment and sexual violence in K-12 schools across our country. More than half of all school children have been sexually harassed with some reports revealing the number is closer to 80% in grades 8-11.
Our children must learn new boundaries. Consent must be concrete - a line of physical and emotional safety so clear one is never left to question its ambiguity. Sexual stereotypes, inappropriate touching, harassing language, victim blaming should be as unaccepted in our modern culture as the imagery of brutal physical violations. Most behavior begins as a seed. If we abhor seemingly slight violations we will hopefully never climb the mountain of abuse. It will be lost in the valley.
As a parent and a social worker, it saddens me to see young schoolgirls and schoolboys disclose their personal violations for a cause as if it is the only way to bring validation to their pain. Minors should not feel socially pressured to share their private moments of abuse. Disclosure is a double-edged sword. I support the advocacy and awareness of the movement while I find we may be violating the violated without their complete understanding.
In order to make #MeTooK12 a valuable part of our history, we must begin teaching our children and teens today.
1. Teach Body Autonomy: It means your children have control over their own bodies. He/she gets to decide how and when to use his/her body. (Example: No, I don’t want to hug grandma goodbye) And just as importantly, your child doesn’t have the right to use someone else’s body without their full consent.
2. Teach No Means No: Make it clear and concise. If children know they can’t negotiate a boundary they won’t look to bend it. No means no and this can begin as early as your child can speak. Consent should not be limited to sexual activity.
3. Do Not Minimize Inappropriate Behavior: Hold your children accountable for their own behavior. Accountability runs hand in hand with accepting and understanding when they have crossed a line.
4. Teach Appropriate Social Skills: Encourage play dates for small children and hang out time for adolescents. The more time children have to interact with their friends and peers the more they will be adept at learning the nuances of body language and facial expressions. Screen time is not social time.
5. Teach Self-Respect: People who respect themselves never allow others to break down their boundaries and will feel confident in reporting any violation that may occur. On the flipside, individuals with self-respect do not seek to devalue others.
We cannot forget the concept of consent and the notion of boundaries first takes its shape in child and adolescent normative development. Teach our children correctly and they will grow into adults who operate in a world of clarity about sexual harassment, violence and violations. Every girl and boy deserves the chance to flourish in a safe environment that values and respects his/her gender. Listen actively to your children. Be present. Allow them to come to you with their questions or concerns no matter how small. Your availability and willingness to role model appropriate behavior is helping them to navigate the path that will lead them to adulthood. One that I hope never includes a #MeTooMovement because its need became hashtag #Obsolete.